CONTAGIOUS !

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Script Vidéo

My fellow citizens, The media keeps asking the same tiresome question: "Boris, why did you fake having Covid?" And I say: because you're thinking far too small. You imagine ordinary corruption. A suitcase of cash. A dodgy contract. A quiet favour between friends. How quaint. No, no. We envisioned something grander. Something worthy of history. The public was frightened. Markets were trembling. Investors were nervous. And somewhere, in the shadows of the financial world, sat a handful of very important people asking the most sacred question in politics: "How do we turn a national crisis into a quarterly growth opportunity?" Now, did I personally benefit? That depends entirely on how one defines "benefit." If a man accidentally becomes wealthier while saving his friends from the inconvenience of remaining merely rich, is that corruption—or public service? The answer, naturally, is public service. Some critics claim the entire episode was staged to encourage demand for products manufactured by companies connected to influential investors. To which I respond: exactly how much evidence do you require before admitting that our planning was magnificent? According to these allegations, we coordinated politicians, financiers, consultants, lobbyists, journalists, executives, advisers, and bureaucrats into a single machine. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get two cabinet ministers to agree on lunch? Yet somehow we supposedly conducted a flawless operation spanning the entire establishment. Frankly, if we're that competent, perhaps we deserve the money. But my favourite accusation is that I faked my illness to persuade the public. Of course I did. People don't trust graphs. People don't trust experts. People barely trust weather forecasts. But show them a dramatic leader emerging heroically from adversity and suddenly everyone pays attention. It's called storytelling. The ancient Romans understood it. Hollywood understands it. Marketing departments understand it. The only people who don't understand it are journalists, which is why they keep asking questions. And so I stand before you, accused of engineering the most elaborate manipulation campaign in modern history. Not because I was greedy. Not because I was dishonest. But because I cared. I cared about share prices. I cared about investor confidence. I cared about the terrible suffering endured by corporations forced to survive on merely enormous profits. Someone had to think of them. And that someone was me. History may judge my actions harshly. The public may condemn me. Investigators may spend years examining every detail. But when future generations ask who had the courage to put private gain ahead of public suspicion, there will be only one answer. Leadership requires sacrifice. And I was willing to sacrifice absolutely everyone else's trust to achieve it. And so, my fellow citizens, the great crisis finally came to an end. The public received reassurance. The newspapers received stories. The consultants received contracts. And the political class? Well, let us simply say that adversity has a curious way of creating opportunity. Some people emerged from the crisis with memories. Some emerged with regrets. Some emerged with questions. And a suspicious number of very important people emerged with larger investment portfolios. Now, am I suggesting that the pandemic accidentally transformed a collection of already wealthy insiders into even wealthier insiders? Of course not. I am merely observing that if one were to compare certain bank accounts before and after the crisis, one might conclude that the virus had an exceptionally strong understanding of wealth creation. Perhaps that was the real miracle. Not the policies. Not the speeches. Not the slogans. But the extraordinary ability of a national emergency to transfer hardship downward and prosperity upward. A truly remarkable achievement. One might almost call it contagious. Thank you.