Annie

I am 43 years old now. And I don’t want to build a life that feels heavy anymore. I spent 16 years in LA decorating beautiful apartments that were never actually mine. Then I lived in a van… not because it was trendy, but because I had to. Then I healed from an injury in my mom’s attic. Every version of my life taught me something. But this last year? It taught me the hardest lesson. I let myself fall in love. Deeply. And somewhere along the way… I made that relationship my whole world. I disappeared. I lost myself a little. Not because anyone asked me to. But because I thought choosing love meant merging completely. I thought building a future meant attaching myself to someone else’s. And I’m realizing now… I don’t want a life built around someone else’s gravity. I want my own. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love. It means I don’t want to abandon myself inside it. I started the new year by renting a Sprinter van through @outdoorsy and started driving. Not to run. Not to recreate van life. But to hear myself again. Somewhere between Pendleton and Hood River… I realized this isn’t about a boyfriend. It’s not about a mortgage. It’s not about proving anything. It’s about peace. I don’t want a mortgage that decides how hard I have to work. I don’t want to disappear inside love. I don’t want to build something that traps me. I want forest mornings. Ownership without suffocation. Partnership without dependency. A home that feels intentional. And what I’m about to do next… isn’t what most people are guessing. If you’re ever road tripping and want flexibility without the chaos, I used @Outdoorsy is ANNIE10 #yearofthehorse #vanlife #startingover

Year of the Horse. And I’ve been feeling the pull to move. I shed an entire version of myself… and she’s not coming with me. I started this year in Idaho with one of my best friends. Long talks. Quiet mornings. The kind of stillness that forces you to tell yourself the truth. I’m 43 now. My van is still in the shop. And I realized… I’m ready for a new chapter. So instead of flying home to look at a new place to live while booking hotels and juggling rental cars… I did what feels most like me. I rented a Sprinter through @outdoorsy and pointed myself west. Not because I’m “doing van life again.” Not because it’s dramatic. But because I needed something flexible while I figure out what home looks like next. A bed. A kitchen. My own coffee in the morning. No check-in times. No hauling bags. Just space to think. I broke up the drive with side quests like Pendleton shopping, a steak dinner alone, coffee the next morning in the van before heading through Hood River with Mt. Hood out the window. It wasn’t some big cinematic adventure. It was intentional. And it felt like starting over the way it all began. Living in a van. This is the first of a series. I’m going to be updating you along the way… and at the end, I’ll finally share the biggest change in my life that I’ve been holding close. It’s a big surprise!!! This is part 1… stick around for the rest. ☺️ Here we go. 🐎 If you’re ever road-tripping and want the flexibility without the chaos, I used @Outdoorsy and it made the whole reset feel simple. My code is ANNIE10. #startingover #vanlife #mentalhealth #chinesenewyear2026 yearofthehorse

She keeps me moving, grounded, and laughing… even on the days I don’t feel like showing up. So when I started thinking more intentionally about my routine, her bowl naturally came into the conversation. Simple ingredients. No fillers. Real food for the dog who makes my life better. Buy Jinx at amazon, walmart, and chewy! @Jinx 🤍 #ad #JinxPartner

I decided to start a reset with my health and perimenopause symptoms. Strength, cleaner habits, less noise… and managing perimenopause like a full-time job. And through every early morning, every walk, every setback + comeback… Charlie is right there with me. So if I’m cutting the junk from my routine, her bowl has to match that energy. High-quality proteins, no fillers, probiotics for her little tummy… out with the junk, in with @Jinx . 🤍 New year, clean bowl. New year, better for both of us. Grab Jinx at Amazon, Walmart or Chewy #ad #JinxPartner

I’ve left lives I never thought I could walk away from. Versions of myself I thought I was supposed to be. In my early 20s, I didn’t think I’d survive leaving that physically abusive relationship. Then a few more times, I stayed when I knew I shouldn’t… because starting over felt impossible. But I left. Every time. And now, in my 40s, I finally know this: walking away isn’t weakness. You have to learn how to love yourself so much that you like that person… even when you are alone. Sometimes “packing up your shit and leaving” is the most honest thing you’ll ever do for yourself. #mentalhealth #fyp #vanlife

A lot can change in 3 years. I used to think healing would show up in big, cinematic ways… like some grand moment where everything finally made sense. But looking back, the biggest shifts in my life happened in the small, almost unnoticeable decisions (the tiny wins) the ones you only recognize when you compare who you were to who you are now. Three years ago I was surviving. Hanging on by a thread. Today, I’m learning how to live again. Not perfectly. Not gracefully. Life always has its difficulties. With all the beautiful joyful posts I’m seeing, I also wanted to be aware of the sadness this season brings to some. Mental health issues are a real thing and you aren’t the only one. But hang in there. Stay for a while, the hard times will pass. Take it from someone who also has struggled and didn’t know if they should give up or keep going. I almost didn’t make it either. But I promise you it’s worth it. It all shifts, quietly at first, and then all at once. If you’re in the thick of it right now… hang in there, sweetheart. Because you are a sweetheart 🤍 Life has more to offer you than the chapter you’re currently stuck in. You’re allowed to outgrow the things you once prayed for. You’re allowed to rebuild without knowing exactly where you’re going. You’re allowed to become someone your past self wouldn’t even recognize. And trust me… she’d be proud. The next few years of your life might just surprise you. Keep going. You don’t need to have it all figured out… you just need to stay long enough to meet the version of you who does. Hopefully someone needed to hear this today. Please talk to someone who can support you today. You matter more than you know. ❤️ #mentalhealth #birthdays #celebrationoflife #fyp

I LOVE the movie The Holiday. So a couple years ago I booked a flight and a cottage in the English countryside to live in my The Holiday era. I wanted stone walls, foggy mornings, a wood-burning stove, and at least one moment where I dramatically exhale like Cameron Diaz after quitting something that wasn’t good for her. I spent the week drinking tea by the window, walking to the village pub, making crafts, crocheting, reading next to the fireplace and waiting for a charming British man to appear in the doorway holding a bottle of wine. I spent Christmas away from my family and loved ones, but I immersed myself in a new tradition and now bring bits of English culture back home with me during the holidays. It was one of those trips that reminds you you’re allowed to create your own magic… no movie soundtrack required. Create your own vision board in real life. 🤍 #TheHoliday #JudeLaw #Christmas #fyp

You know how brides are always posting their wedding for days after the wedding? I never got to do that, so I’m doing it here. I’m that girl. I threw myself a 43rd birthday party because, I finally felt like I deserved to honor myself. Because I finally stopped crying and finally celebrated. Because I’ve never had a wedding, and I’m not having a baby… so everybody drink! 🥂 Throw that party. Buy that fancy dress. Make yourself a gourmet meal. Don’t get it twisted. I’ve spent many birthdays crying, alone, and planning birthdays for friends to not come to. This year I took a different approach… I wrote a list of everyone in my life that really helped get me to 43. And I invited them to a party… and I celebrated them. I made sure not to get in my feelings if people couldn’t make it and when there weren’t many RSVPs at first. I made sure I knew that even if only 5 people could come… I was still worthy. So plan that party. Don’t wait. And celebrate the people closest to you, even if it’s only 2 of them. #imnothavingababy #thisis43 #fyp

I just turned 43 and I’ve never had a wedding. Never had a baby shower. No anniversaries, no honeymoons, no bachelorette trips. For a long time, that made me feel like I was missing something. Like I was unworthy. Like I didn’t reach the milestones that make a life worth celebrating. But I’ve realized there’s so much more to life than rings, babies, or buying a house. This year I decided to throw my own birthday party. Not because it’s a milestone number. But because I finally found where I want to plant my roots. And I wanted to celebrate the people who helped me grow them. We wait too long to tell people how much they mean to us. We wait until the milestones, or the funerals. For my birthday, I wrote love letters for every guest. I made gold crowns for the women I love. And I threw a party that felt like a Little Women Renaissance Christmas. Warm, full, alive. Because I didn’t just want to celebrate my birthday. I wanted to celebrate the people who’ve made this life worth living. The people who held me up. Who’s seen me through every version of myself. Because I wouldn’t have made it to 43 without them. #birthday #thisis43 #littlewomen #renaissance #christmas @Josie Balka

#ad Cozy fall garden clean-up days are my favorite kind of slow weekend. 🍂 Pulling the last tomato vines, stacking pots, and coiling the hose — just wrapping up the season. Of course, that’s also when I usually feel the first uh-oh tickle in my throat. When that happens, I reach for Zicam RapidMelts, my go-to for shortening a cold when taken at the first sign. It lives in my garden caddy and flannel pocket this time of year. Shop now so you’re ready the moment a cold tries to sneak in. #zicampartner @Zicam

Fall’s here and the garden’s winding down—mums on the gate, pumpkins on the steps, last harvest coming in. My one grown-up task: tap Reorder in the @Chewy app for Charlie’s vet-prescribed flea & tick meds so we’re set before the weekend. It shows up at the door, and if I ever have a question, Chewy’s pharmacists are there. I toss everything in the weekend bag with the leash & treats…and we’re off to pumpkin patches, road trips, and all the cozy fall plans. Need a refill too? Chewy Pharmacy made this part easy. #ChewyPartner #ChewyPharmacy #ad #Chewy #PetCare

I’m turning 43 soon. And this year, I have been planning a real birthday party and I sent real invitations. I’m making flower crowns for my guests — from blooms I grew, and flowers I’ve dried and saved from friends who’ve given them to me over the years. It’s been awhile since I have truly celebrated a birthday or even had a cake. I’ve never been that girl with week-long birthdays that never seem to end. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy on my birthday. For years, I spent them crying — over heartbreak, over getting older, over feeling like I’d somehow fallen behind. But last year, I made myself a promise: that it would be the last birthday I cried alone. That 43 would be different. No matter where I was, what I was doing, I was going to celebrate it. I was going to have cake. Even after sending invitations, not many people RSVP’d, and for a second, that feeling of rejection came back — that feeling that love is measured by how many show up. But then I realized… I’m not doing this to be validated. I’m doing it to celebrate my own life. To celebrate the people I love. The few closest to me. Whether it’s five people or just me, it’s enough. And this year, it looks like joy, flowers, and gratitude for everyone who’s been part of my story. This year, if I cry, they’ll be happy tears — because I made it here. And this year, I’m celebrating by giving back to the people who’ve loved me and helped me become who I am. Because for the first time in my life, I’m not mourning what’s missing — I’m celebrating what’s here. Here’s to 43 and a week of birthday planning… because this year… I AM that girl. #fyp #birthday #43

Come with me on a brief, pointless adventure. I tried to stay true to my typical days when I’m not feeling it or wanting to do any of my responsibilities. I hate that I keep bringing up perimenopause but it’s honestly a bitch. I can’t focus on anything sometimes and this rainy weather isn’t helping. So sometimes I gotta just throw in the towel and do something for myself which is sometimes nothing. I wanted to put everything I did in my entire day yesterday into this reel, but it was 5 minutes long. I feel like people are going to ask about my new friend Jeanne so I’ll tell you a bit about what I know about her so far. She loves films. And we both were at the 1pm matinee on our own so we could “have a good cry.” And we both were wearing fun hats and sunglasses indoors. Before the movie we promised not to look at each other while we cried (laughing of course) and then after the movie we ran into each other in the restroom and when I came out I found she wrote her phone number and left it for me! I’m going to call her today and set up that film & hat club. It honestly made my day. 🤍😭 #perimenoopauseadventure #wedonotcareclub #fyp

For the past few months I’ve been hiding in my own world away from social media. Primarily because I fell in love but also because I’m going through some major body and emotional changes as I navigate perimenopause. It’s a bitch. I’ve been playing a lot of HayDay and ugly crying to Love is Blind. Also building, decorating, and designing my greenhouse and van (that I pick up from the shop next month!). Falling in love is cool and all but it never seems at the right time. But I think God has a plan. I’ve also felt “stuck” when it came to knowing what to post. I used to post a lot of single sad things because it’s what I was. Single, sad… then empowered by it. Then I felt like a traitor when I found the love of my life. Like can I post him? Will people not like me? All the insecure human things. So I played HayDay instead of opening this app lol. Now that I’m back. I wanna post authentically and where I’m at in my life. Right now, I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. It’s crazy to say. Life’s always got its punches though so it’s not perfect. I can promise you that. But I’m content. I honestly do want feedback. I wanna know what it is you wanna see. I plan on posting more about my perimenopause struggles. My van re-build, my greenhouse build. And decorating. Any way, love y’all! See you soon! #perimenopause #40s #mentalhealth #diy #vanlife

I’ve been MIA because I’ve been busy falling in love. For years I had to learn how to fall in love with myself. I had to heal. I had to forgive. Let go of pain and anger. Be ok with being alone. Just when I got comfortable, is when I met him. I’m not saying that being in a relationship solves all life’s problems nor does it define “success.” But love is a beautiful drug. It’s what healed me. I found God again. I found you. I’ve created a family. This last year has been my dream. I finally stopped dating “my type.” Instead I met someone with two red flags (to me): 1) He’s too young and 2) He’s too nice. I’m so glad I didn’t let myself get in my own way. Thank you for making me the happiest girl I’ve been my whole life. Thank you for making me feel safe. I’ve found my Hallmark story. Can’t wait to start sharing my life with y’all. Love you and thank you for following my journey. #40s #fallinginlove