bugm

merry christmas 🐞

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its been 148 days since we’ve spoken.

i woke up this morning and looked for you. this time last year i was sick and the weather had began to change. this year i am sick again, the weather is changing, and i cant seem to find you. i woke up and figured you had gone to work. my mind was playing tricks on me. i swear i felt your presence in the room. you were shirtless and your skin was sticky but i just couldn’t see you. in my mind, it was this time last year and nothing had changed. everything was normal and right. and then i realized you hadn’t gone to work. you had just gone. and its not last year anymore. no matter how sick i am or what the weather is. i won’t hear from you again. you wont be back. when i woke up this morning everything felt okay. hopeful with the promise of seeing you again once your work day ended. early this morning somone kissed me on the forehead on their way out the door. i laid in bed half-asleep and sick. everything was hazy. i assumed it was you. the routine of your goodbye kisses refuses to leave me. i don’t know whg it couldn’t have just been you. why didn’t i let it just be you? the realization of your absence felt like losing you all over again. it was almost unbearable. but i think i would do it all over again tomorrow morning if it meant i would wake up thinking you’d be back. even if it just a short-lived thought. tomorrow morning i will wake up sick. maybe i will feel you in the room again. i know you aren’t at work anymore. i hope school is going well. i am so proud of you. until the morning. -bug

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