Dr. Kai, Emotional DNA Expert

We're here cheering you on! 🦥🐰🐸🐱🐢🐷🕺🏻👾🫶 You deserve to be in a loving relationship where you feel safe. It starts within the relationship that you have with yourself and your inner children. Grow the love, acceptance, and safety from there. And you'll begin to attract and feel it out there. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today! visit my website link in profile if you're ready to reclaim the voice you lost and learn to speak without abandoning yourself. I hope I get to teach you soon! You see it happening, the lie, the manipulation, the cruelty dressed as confidence. You know you should say something, but your throat closes, your body won't let you. And you hate yourself for staying silent again. This is Complex PTSD. Your silence isn't cowardice, it's a trauma response. Your nervous system learned that speaking up gets you hurt, so it shuts you down to protect you. If you grew up where truth was punished, where challenging authority meant rage, rejection, or retaliation, you learned that your voice is dangerous. Not wrong, dangerous, there's a difference. You knew what was true, you just couldn't afford to say it. So now when you witness something wrong, when someone's manipulating, bulldozing, hurting others, your body doesn't see an opportunity to speak, it sees the original threat. Your mouth stays shut not because you don't care, but because your nervous system thinks silence keeps you alive. The person silencing rooms with their aggression? They're terrified too. Domination is fear wearing a mask, but their wound doesn't require your silence anymore. Your voice won't destroy you now, you're not small anymore, you're not dependent on them. You can speak, not to change them, but to stop abandoning yourself. Healing means letting your voice shake and speaking anyway, letting it be imperfect. Trusting that the child who had to stay silent finally has an adult who won't. Let's become The First Empowered Generation in our Families 🤘😈❤️‍🔥👄✨️ #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

Sign up for my workshop today! Just visit my website link in profile to get your 🕺🏻🎟 if you're ready to learn boundaries, emotional regulation, and how to stop carrying what was never yours. I hope I get to teach you real soon! Someone near you gets upset, not at you, not about you, and your anxiety spikes immediately. You start figuring out how to fix it even when it has nothing to do with you. This is complex PTSD. Your nervous system was trained to treat other people's emotions as your emergency, their discomfort became your danger signal. Complex PTSD often develops when you were responsible for a caregiver's emotions, when their mood determined your safety, when their upset meant you'd pay the price. So you learned to fix it fast, to fawn, to become whatever they needed. Now your nervous system doesn't know the difference between someone's bad day and a threat to your survival. Their frustration, even at traffic or work or nothing about you, activates the same alarm and you spring into action managing emotions that aren't yours. This is why you can't relax when someone's in a bad mood, why you ask "are you okay?" repeatedly, why you feel guilty for their feelings when you caused nothing. Your nervous system believes if you don't fix it, something bad happens to you. You're not codependent because you're broken, you're hypervigilant because you had to be. That awareness kept you safe, it's just not accurate anymore. Healing means learning their emotions are not your emergency. You can witness feelings without absorbing them, you're allowed to stay calm when someone else isn't. Let's become the first empowered generation in our families. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

Sign up for my workshop today (visit website link in profile, my friend 😊) if you're ready to learn boundaries without guilt and stop abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable. WE hope to see you soon! 🧙🏽‍♂️🕺🏻🎪🐸🐰🐢 You know you need boundaries, you understand the concept. But when it's time to set one, your body floods with guilt and the overwhelming sense you're being cruel. This is complex PTSD. Boundaries don't just feel hard, they feel dangerous because somewhere in your past, protecting yourself meant losing love. Complex PTSD often develops where your boundaries were violations, where saying no was punished, where limits meant guilt trips or emotional withdrawal. Your nervous system learned that boundaries equal abandonment. So when you try to set even a small boundary, your body doesn't feel empowered, it feels like you're about to lose everything. The guilt isn't rational, it's trauma. Your nervous system is screaming that protecting yourself will cost you the love you need to survive. This is why you rehearse a boundary, apologize while saying it, then take it back when they seem upset. Your brain knows you deserve limits, your body believes limits are lethal. You're not a pushover, you were trained to believe your needs hurt people. That's not truth, that's trauma. Healing means feeling the guilt and setting the boundary anyway, teaching your nervous system that protecting yourself doesn't mean losing love. Let's become the first empowered generation in our families. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for workshop today 🐸 (visit website link in profile) if you're ready to break people-pleasing patterns and discover your authentic self is safe to exist. We hope to see you soon! You're always the nice one, the understanding one, the one who never makes things difficult. But underneath the niceness, you're exhausted, resentful, and wondering why no one ever asks how you're doing. This is complex trauma. Your "niceness" isn't a personality trait, it's a survival strategy you developed to stay safe and loved. Complex trauma teaches you that your needs are dangerous, that having preferences causes conflict, that the safest version of you is the one who never inconveniences anyone. So you became nice, not because you wanted to, because you had to. Niceness was armor, agreeability was protection. The problem is your nervous system doesn't know the difference between choosing to be kind and being unable to be anything else. You're not nice because you're generous, you're nice because somewhere deep you believe being difficult means being abandoned, that your real feelings would make people leave. This is why you say "I'm fine with whatever" when you're not, why you laugh off disrespect, why you apologize when someone else bumps into you. You're not being polite, you're managing everyone's perception of you so they don't discover you have needs. Your niceness makes sense when you understand complex trauma. It kept you safe when being yourself wasn't an option, it was smart, it was necessary, it just costs too much now. You're not fake, you're not weak, you're a survivor who learned that disappearing behind niceness was the only way to exist in your environment. Healing complex trauma means learning you can be real, not just nice, and still be loved. That your needs don't make you difficult, they make you human. Let's heal these patterns together and become the first empowered generation in our families. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

Join my Inner Journey Starter Club! visit my website link in profile to become a member 🐢 if your mouth keeps saying yes when your soul is screaming no. I hope I get to teach you real soon! Let's grow wise and mature together 🧙🏽‍♂️🦉 You say yes when you mean no, agree to things you resent, then feel angry at them for asking and angry at yourself for not speaking up. Someone asks, you feel the no, but your mouth says yes automatically. Later you're exhausted, overwhelmed, doing something you never wanted to do, wondering why you can't just speak up. You learned that saying no meant losing love, that your needs were an inconvenience, that good people don't disappoint others. So you abandoned yourself to keep the peace. Every yes that should've been no was a small betrayal of who you really are. Part of you knows you're allowed to say no. Part of you is terrified they'll leave if you do. So you keep saying yes, and they never know they're asking too much because you never tell them. What if the people who leave when you have boundaries weren't your people anyway? What if your no is actually the filter that reveals who truly respects you? Healing means learning your no doesn't make you selfish, it makes you honest. Your yes means nothing if you can't say no. Let's reclaim your voice, one gentle step at a time. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

trauma survivors are attracted to partners who recreate their original wound because your nervous system is drawn to familiar patterns even when they're harmful. You unconsciously choose people who will trigger your trauma responses because that's what feels normal and right to your wounded psyche. If you were abandoned or rejected, you're drawn to emotionally unavailable people. If you were criticized and judged constantly, you're attracted to critical, judgmental partners. If you were controlled, you attract controlling relationships. Your trauma creates a blueprint for love that magnetizes people who will hurt you in familiar ways. You believe if you can get this person to love you properly, to not abandon, reject, criticize, or control you, that will somehow heal your original wound. This belief and mission comes from your wounded inner child trying to rewrite your childhood story in your adult life, but you're choosing people who aren't capable of giving you what you need now or what you needed back then. Your nervous system learned that love comes with a particular type of pain, chaos, or dysfunction. Healthy relationships feel boring, unfamiliar, or too good to be true because they don't match your familiar trauma-based template of what love looks like. Healing your trauma means choosing partners carefully who don't recreate your original wound. Instead, choose partners who give you what you needed originally: love, attention, validation, and most of all, safety. You can't heal your past by repeating it. You heal your past by choosing differently today. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

Join my Inner Journey Starter Club today 🐌🌻 (visit website link in profile) if you've lost yourself trying to be everything for everyone else. I hope I get to teach you real you soon! You've spent so long being what everyone needs that you don't know who you are without them. Their preferences became yours, their moods became yours. Somewhere along the way, you disappeared completely. What do you want? You don't know. What makes you happy? Whatever makes them happy. Who are you when no one needs anything from you? Terrifyingly empty. You learned that having your own wants was dangerous, that disagreement meant disconnection, that the safest version of you was the one that mirrored everyone else perfectly. So you became a chameleon, changing colors to match whoever you were with, never realizing you forgot your original shade. Part of you wants to find yourself again. Part of you is terrified there's nothing there. Because what if you peel back all the layers of everyone else's expectations and there's just emptiness underneath? What if the emptiness isn't who you are, it's just the space where you used to be? What if you're still there, buried and waiting to be found? Healing means learning you're still in there, buried under everyone else's needs and expectations, waiting for you to come back and reclaim yourself. You're still in there. Let's bring you home, one gentle step at a time. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

join my Inner Journey Starter Club (visit my website link in profile) if guilt has been running your life for way too long. I hope to teach you soon! You feel guilty when you rest, guilty when you say no, guilty when you put yourself first, guilty for being happy when someone else is struggling. That guilt follows you everywhere like a shadow you can't escape. You try to take care of yourself and immediately feel selfish, so you stop. You go back to giving everything away, feel resentful, then guilty for feeling resentful. The cycle never ends because you're trapped between self-betrayal and self-punishment. You were taught that your needs come last, that taking care of yourself means taking from others, that rest is earned through suffering, not given freely. So now your nervous system treats self-care like a crime, and you punish yourself every time you try to heal or prioritize your wellbeing. Part of you knows you deserve care and compassion. Part of you feels like a fraud for believing it. So you stay exhausted because exhaustion feels safer than guilt, more familiar than peace. What if the guilt isn't actually yours? What if it was planted there by people who needed you to stay small so they could stay comfortable and continue taking from you? Healing means learning that guilt was inherited, not earned, and you have permission to put it down. That guilt is heavy, and you've been carrying it for way too long. Let's start putting it down together, without rushing, without pressure. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today (visit website link in profile 😊) if you're ready to become the first empowered generation in your family. I hope to see you soon! You feel like a burden because your nervous system learned that your needs are an inconvenience. You need help but don't ask. You're struggling but say "I'm fine." You'd rather suffer alone than risk being "too much." If growing up your needs were met with frustration or guilt, or you were told directly or indirectly that you were too much to handle, your nervous system got wired to believe: "My needs are a problem. I am a problem." But here's the trap: you're not protecting people by hiding your needs. You're just carrying everything alone and calling it strength. You are not a burden, you're a human being with needs. The right people won't resent you for needing support, they'll want to give it. But knowing you're not a burden and actually believing it are two different things. That belief lives in your nervous system, it needs to be rewired, not just understood. Let's heal together. ✨️❤️‍🔥✨️ #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today (visit my website link in profile 😊) if you're ready to become the first empowered generation in your family. I hope to see you soon! You keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners because your nervous system learned that love means chasing someone who can't fully show up. They're interested, but not too interested. Present, but never fully there. Close enough to keep you hoping, distant enough to keep you anxious. And something about that dynamic feels like home. If growing up you had a parent who was physically present but emotionally absent, maybe they were distracted, depressed, or just checked out. Or love came in unpredictable waves, closeness followed by withdrawal. Your nervous system got wired to associate love with longing, with reaching, with almost-but-not-quite. But here's the trap: you're not choosing them because they're special. You're choosing them because unavailability feels familiar. You learned to love people who can't fully love you back and call it passion. Available love exists. It won't feel electric at first because it won't feel like chasing. It'll feel calm, steady, maybe even boring. But that's not boring, that's safe. Let's heal together. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today 🕺🏻🧬 visit website link in profile ✨️ if you're ready to put down what was never yours to carry. I hope to see you soon! You feel responsible for everyone's emotions because your nervous system was trained that other people's feelings are emergencies and your job to fix. Someone's upset and you immediately start problem-solving. Someone's quiet and you scan for what you did wrong. Someone's angry and your whole body goes on high alert. You're incredibly emotionally intelligent, you can read a room before you even walk into it. But you're also exhausted, hypervigilant, and have no idea what you're actually feeling. You're so tuned into everyone else's emotional channel, your own is just static. If growing up you were your parent's emotional support, maybe you were the one they vented to about their marriage. Or you managed your siblings' emotions so your parents didn't have to. Or you learned to monitor the emotional temperature of your home and adjust yourself to keep everyone safe. Your nervous system got wired to believe "If everyone else is okay, then I'm safe." So you became the emotional manager of your entire family, not because you wanted to, because you had to. But here's the trap: you're still doing that job in every friendship, every relationship, every workplace. You're still scanning, managing, fixing, smoothing, and it's exhausting you. You're not tired because you care too much, you're exhausted because you're doing emotional labor that was never supposed to be yours. You were a child, managing adult emotions was never your job. Other people's emotions are not your responsibility. Their feelings are theirs to feel, their reactions are theirs to manage. You're allowed to let people feel their feelings without swooping in to fix them. You're allowed to stay in your own lane emotionally. The right relationships don't need an emotional manager, they have people who take responsibility for their own inner world. Let's become the generation that learns where we end and others begin. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today (visit website link in profile 🕺🏻🧬✨️) if you're ready to become kinder, more confident, and more calm together. I hope to see you soon! You stay silent when someone crosses your boundaries because your nervous system treats boundary enforcement as more dangerous than the actual boundary violation. If speaking up once meant losing love or safety, your brain still believes that protecting yourself equals losing people. When someone interrupts you, takes your things without asking, makes decisions for you, or disrespects your time, you feel the violation clearly, but you don't do anything to address it. You replay the conversation you want to have with them, but the words stick in your throat because confrontation feels scarier than being disrespected. You convince yourself that staying quiet is being the bigger person or keeping the peace, but you're actually teaching people that your boundaries don't matter. You're prioritizing their comfort over your dignity, hoping somehow they'll respect limits you never communicate. Meanwhile, resentment builds and builds as people continue crossing lines you never drew out loud. You feel angry at them for not reading your mind and angry at yourself for not speaking up, creating an exhausting cycle of internal frustration and external compliance. Speaking up for yourself isn't mean, dramatic, or selfish. It's necessary communication to let people know how you want to be treated. People can't respect boundaries they don't know exist. Your voice matters and your limits deserve to be honored, not hidden. And coming from a recovering, super anxious people pleaser, what's waiting for you on the other side is beautiful: you're not going to lose your empathy, sensitivity, or caring nature. You actually become more powerful and kind with your boundaries intact. #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney

sign up for my workshop today if you're ready to turn your red flags green and build something that actually works. I hope to see you soon! Not every red flag means run immediately. Some red flags are wounds that haven't healed yet. The question isn't whether they have patterns, we all do. The question is: are they aware, are they working on it, and are you willing to look at yours too? Stonewalling is a red flag. But a partner who says "I shut down when I'm overwhelmed, I'm working on telling you when I need space" is a yellow flag turning green. Constant reassurance-seeking is a red flag. But a partner who says "I know I get anxious, I'm learning to self-soothe instead of putting it all on you" is a yellow flag turning green. The behavior itself isn't the whole story, the awareness and effort are what actually matter. It stays red when they deny the pattern exists, blame you entirely, refuse to look at themselves, or use their wound as an excuse instead of a reason to grow. "That's just how I am" without any effort to change, that's a red flag staying red. It becomes yellow when they acknowledge the pattern, they're starting to see it, they're not perfect but they're genuinely trying. It becomes green when they take responsibility without you pointing it out, they repair after ruptures, they're actively working on their patterns, not just talking about it. Here's the hard truth: you both have red flags. The question is whether you're both willing to turn them green through actual work. Are you expecting them to heal while refusing to look at yourself? Are they expecting you to tolerate patterns they won't address? Two people with yellow flags who are actively working can build something beautiful. Two people pointing at each other's red while ignoring their own? That's a dead end. The goal isn't finding a partner without wounds. It's finding a partner who's aware of their wounds and committed to healing, and being that kind of partner yourself. Healing means asking: Am I the partner I'm asking for? #innerchildhealing #emotionaldna #anxietyrelief #healingtiktok #healingjourney